vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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