My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
