I just threw up on my dentist
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
