Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
