...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
