I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
