Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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