do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
