She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
