in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
