guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
