i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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