I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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