it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
