Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
