the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
