i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
