I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
