highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
