I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
