Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
