from now on my penis is your penis
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
