CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
