Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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