I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
