I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
