I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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