The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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