he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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