Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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