so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
