Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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