I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
