I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
