So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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