i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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