I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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