I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
