someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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