I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
