You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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