...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
