I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
