its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
