Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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