i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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