I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have aggressive nipples.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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