Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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