If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
