sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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