Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
