is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
